Our fears hold us down from being our best selves.
What are you afraid of? public speaking, intimacy, making decisions, stage fright, ageing, flying, being alone, being hurt… we fear changes, we fear beginnings and we fear endings, we fear success and we fear failure, we fear life and we fear death. We always fear.
So, why being afraid? just go for it anyway! I say that your fears are a loud cry of what you need to overcome/resolve. If you avoid your fears, they will become bigger until you can no longer breathe. Only when no other options are left is when we confront our fears and cross the battlefield, quite often unarmed and triggered by a bout of courage mixed with rage, in the hope of arriving unwounded to the other side. But the truth is that this struggle is what will make you a better person, going from wound to wound… and quite often there won’t be an end to it, so accept it and get used to it.
At the bottom of every fear is simply the fear that we can’t handle/accept whatever life may bring us. If we knew we could handle anything that came our way, what would we possibly have to fear? NOTHING. So, all you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle/accept situations. When we fear is because we are not feeling good enough about ourselves, for whatever reasons, be it childhood traumas, bad experiences, past lives (oh well…) or simply LAZINESS 🙂 (did that hurt?)
When doubt comes to your doorstep, stomp your foot firmly on the ground and don’t even contemplate the chance of letting it get to you. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness and self-pity. Someone I look up to recently said to me: “Make the choices before there is a question, regardless of how you feel or what you want in that moment, don’t listen to your mind’s excuses”. Be in charge before doubt kicks in. Remember: you are always in control, on the surface, and on a deeper level.
In Singing and in Fitness, this applies very much so. You have to be able to be your best on stage without fearing a crowd; you have to be able to hold that high C for 8 bars; you have to be able to stick to that training plan without deviating; you have to be able to perform every bicep curl with perfect form and intensity right till the last rep; you must, you have to, you are able, you are capable! (and, as I always say, breathing and relaxation play a key part in being able to sustain this mindset).
Accept it but don’t give up.
We always ‘know’. But sometimes we play that we don’t. For comfort reasons, expectations, insecurities, etc. So many of us think we are taking responsibility for our own lives when we simply are not. The victim mentality is very subtle and takes many forms. We shouldn’t blame anyone for the things that happen to us, but we shouldn’t blame ourselves either. We always do the best we possibly can given the persons we are at any given time. We must learn to be patient with ourselves and go with how things come, without being upset with the past, present or future. It’s all part of a learning process and in accepting this, lies inner peace and growth. Having said this, don’t expect things to happen just like that, you have to keep going and always doing/giving your best. When something is meant to be for you, it will be no matter what. Don’t give up and keep strong.
Me, being the sensitive on-my-own-world singer that I am, I am the first one in falling down the cliff when fear hits me, but it’s because I’ve fallen many times that I am able to write this here for you if I can be of any help. I wouldn’t be able to if I hadn’t risen. I can tell you: there is always light at the end. Kind of 🙂