SingersFit

It was October 2013. I was going through a separation and lots of sudden changes in all aspects of my life. My body was undergoing a nervous system upgrade. On one hand I was feeling lifted, on another hand I was full of sorrow. In a span of a few months I lost my husband, my guitarist, my manager, my record company, the main show I was the singer and band leader for, and a friend. It’s not that I lost them, it was that I had never truly had them in the first place: all of a sudden (as it has happened again, recently), I saw them for who they were and they revealed themselves. I knew it was a reset. A forced one. Because of my empathetic, giving and naive nature, even though I saw all the red flags, I always forgave them and withstood their hurts. I could see them, but still, I held them, I held on too, hoping things would change. But things not only didn’t change, they got worse. When one has grown up in an environment with little to no bad stuff, you can’t believe that there are people who wouldn’t doubt in harming others with no guilt or consciensce, so you repeatedly forgive them, give them chances, because you would never do as they do, so you can’t believe they’d do that to you. But they do. People with no consciensce are very dangerous people. But you don’t see it until one day you do.

That evening, Los Van Van – a very popular band from Cuba – were performing in London. I was invited by some friends to go see them, and so I went, to help take my mind off the chaos that was happening in my life. Just to make it clear, because it’s relevant to this story: I do not drink alcohol AT ALL. I never did. I hate the smell of it. I never smoked either. And I never took drugs. We stayed until late, I had missed my last train, so I took a night bus to go home. That double decker was packed. It was about 1:30am. All of a sudden I started feeling nauseous and dizzy, so I thought of shifting to the front of the bus, at the front it’s always better when you’re feeling dizzy. But the unease didn’t stop, it got worse. As I said, the bus was packed, I was standing surrounded by others, almost like in a tin of sardines. And then it came to me, I said out loud: “I think I am gonna pass out…” and as soon as I did, a black curtain fell in front of my eyes, I dropped on the floor, and I don’t remember anything else.

Immediately, I saw myself rising onto a sort of “upper layer world”, where my path was underneath my feet, alive and sparkling, hearing giggles, birds chirpping, butterflies, a soft and alive breeze moving the trees’ green leaves, a deep blue sky… everything was alive around me. I was in between walking and floating, advancing forwards towards a bright white light, but everything was “light” if you understand what I mean, and I got this “knowing”: “Ahhh… finally… I am home… I know… I know… I know…” these words ringing constantly on my mind. I was there for what I believed were 20 minutes. I remember this clearly, the timing. It was such a state of pure bliss, relief, a soothing, a knowing, a peace.

Out of nowhere, these dark languid faces started to appear over me, similar to the face of “the mask”, saying low frequency, sorrowful, sounds, “uo”, jaws dropped, coming over me, sucking me in, as if trying to cover me and suffocate me. I started shaking my head “no, no, no!, I don’t wanna be here!” and all of a sudden I came back into this world. Coming here was dark, dense, “dead” energy, suffocating, small. There was a nurse lady on top of me putting water on my face, I was on the floor. The bus had stopped, everyone had left the bus except the driver. She said: “oh, thank God I got you!, we thought we were losing you… you’ve been gone for over 2 minutes.” There was an ambulance outside. I started crying, half sad and half happy, because “I knew”, and because I was alive. I sat on a seat, kept weeping for a while, and I grabbed that nurse’s hands as if it was my mother’s, and thanked her with all my being for her saving my life. Sometimes we get real life angels, you know? I will never forget her compassion and true willingness for helping me.

I was taken to the ambulance and another male nurse took over and did some tests on me: everything was “fine”. Of course. This wasn’t anything to do with my physicality. My nervous system was shattered to such point that I collapsed and was reminded of the truth, to soothe me, to let me know that everything will be fine despite the pains I am going through. But mainstream science can’t explain any of that. I was then taken to hospital, where I spent the rest of the night and they did more tests. Again, everything was “fine”. I told all the nurses the story of where I had been while I had been unconscious. They just smiled at me, as if they had heard it all before but didn’t believe a word of what I was saying. It was one of the many times in my life – more than I would like to – when I knew it was better to be silent because deaf ears can’t hear.

This realm we are in, is not true. It has a glimpse of truth, but it is full of distortions, opposites, extremes to what is. I’ve always had extremely vivid dreams. Last night, for example, I dreamed that I was hired by a shaman friend to sing for Robi Draco Rosa’s wedding (the Puertorrican musician who wrote all of Ricky Martin’s hits, who was also one of the members of the band Menudo when him and Ricky were kids – if you didn’t know, I was the president of Ricky Martin’s official fan club in Spain when I was 14 to 16 years old, and I lived in Puerto Rico for a bit), and I was late because I took the wrong train that took me to a dock where the bridge was being lifted and I had to swim in the water while the bridge was coming down again so that I could cross over to the other side and catch the right train… but by the time I did, the wedding had already happened… by the way, he was getting married at my village’s church in Spain, and all my relatives, family and friends where there. Ricky was there too. I woke up so anxious, frustrated, thinking how the hell am I going to apologise now to all those people, and the press, etc. Anyway, that’s another story. But all my dreams are like that. Imagine the frustration and also the excitement. The intensity that defines me. And often times I pick up where I left and I carry on dreaming the same dream. The other realm is alive and it is MORE true as this one. This one is dead, slow, stagnant and boring.

For the last one year I have devoured all the interviews of the gorgeous Darius J Wright, go and watch him because what he tells on his OBE experiences is short of eye-opening, mind-blowing and truly revealing, of what the nature of this reality is. He confirms all I’ve known during the past 18 years.